Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
