last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize