He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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