I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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