So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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