Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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