she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
