the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
