whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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