I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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