I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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