I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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