Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
