I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
