turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
