I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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