K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
