mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
