Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
