So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
