I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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