the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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