He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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