She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
