I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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