You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
