Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
