he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
