If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
