There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Never joke about your clitoris.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize