It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
