Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
