That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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