going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
