Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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