And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
