we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
