hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
