Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
