I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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