At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
