you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
