And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
