He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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