Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
