why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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