I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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