Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
