do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
