your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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