A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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