I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
