You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
