if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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