Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
