out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
