You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hippo gnu deer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
