craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Enjoy the penises
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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