Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
