I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
