You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
