So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He better not be in your backpack
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
