i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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