When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
