toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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