What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
