haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
