im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
