smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
