What did we do last night that was yellow?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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