well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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