Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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