DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
