I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
