you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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