I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
