hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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