You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
